iris...

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

"Iris" - Goo Goo Dolls

just a song that i was listening to.. this weekend... i waste sooo much time.
saturday. woke up at 12. went out to eat lunch with my sis, dad and grandma. came home. wasted the whole day with msn, blogs, tv, geeetar, everything BUT homework... talked to tori on the phone for a while. thnx tori. then played basketball in the rain for like 15 mins. cuz it was freezing, and wet. ate dinner. wasted more time. then finally got a lil bit done. mathew helped me/teached me calculus. and i understand it now. i just need to do more than half a question now...
sunday. youth sunday. woke up at 7:30 to get ready to be at church by 8:15. drove. picked up pablo. practiced a bit. then we went to the sanctuary. got ready. no mic check tho. we had so many ppl, that we had to split up our group, so that we entered the stage from both sides, just to be balanced.. we did good. i dont know bout everybody else. but i had a good time. i enjoyed myself. good time of worship. i was calm, chill and happy. got thru all the songs..dont think anything BIG happened wrong.. well except. electric geeetar drowning out my lil solo-entrance that i practiced soo hard on..but whatever. good msg. by eyen. about being single. and about couples. "being single is a gift. a blessing, not a curse" "being single, we need to devote ourselves:body and spirit, and be concerned with the Lord's affairs. cherish your singlehood!" that was a good timed-reminder. i really needed that today. then into the gym. talked to carol and ada. and she was just givin me advice about school stuff and ppl. thnx. saw clinton and anastasia too just before i went up to sunday school. there we did this defending your faith scenario thing. man. im REALLY bad at this.. i like compltely blanked out. and ONLY had like cheesy sunday school answers, i really suck.... and i felt so embarassed too. cuz it's like how am i on SMT? i cant even do somethin like this.. yeah.. plz help me know more. afterwards. mysmallgroup and i discussed about...smallgroups.. i dunno. our smallgroup feels really weird. i guess it's sorta like im not comfortable with anyone in our smallgroup. except for maybe jen. but like there;s no real closeness or what's the word. it's just really ........weird. plz help me to wanna look forward to small groups. and for me to be a good example and for me to have patience with it. and i dunno. a better perspective... change me! then went to eyen's office. i thot he said he was free for lunch to go to wendy';s..so i waited for him. but then turns out he has this meeting there with the pastoral/deacon staff there soo.. i kind of went to wendy's with him, and then after a short convo with pastor daniel and kinson, i left. lunch at home. soo many dishes to wash. soo much laundry to do. and still so muchhomework to do too. plz help me just not worry bout this stuff. take away all my problems, pains, issues, burdens, worries and stress. help me to just work hard and get some work done. i also wanna be more independent..as a person..i guess. not like practical things.. like i can cook, i can do laundry, i can wash dishes, i take the bus everyday to and from school, not stuff like that. that stuff im fine-independently..but like just i depend on friends too much. and when it's times like these sometimes. where everybody's busy. everybody's off doin their own thing. and i cant always just expect me to always go to them. and like bother them and stuff. and i gotta just be a stronger person, like just deal with my issues by myself instead of always confiding in others. and a stronger christian. man. i havent done devos in sooooooooooo long. havent spent as much time with God as i want to. and i gotta stop stressin out and worrying. mathew 6:33-34! the jist of it is... DONT WORRY. depend on Him, and all will be ok.... i also gotta reduce my time on msn. i always have these plans in my head of stayiong away from the computer and just do hours of straight work, and then sleep early. that NEVER happens. i always manage to get distracted or always manage to lead myself back to the computer and i just dont get nearly as much work as i had planned. and that causes lack of sleep. and lack of sleep causes lack of focus. and lack of focus causes lack of understanding. and lack of understanding causes falling behind in homework. and fallign behind in homework causes more homework to do. and more homework to do causes lack of sleep! it's all a big disgusting cycle that im in. i need to change. help me. please! help me to do well in school and help me to enjoy the time more and to be a good example there consistently. and plz give me a direction to go to. show me what u want me to do in the future, and tell me where u want me to go. cuz i have no idea... guide me. please.