from the inside...

(song from linkin park, by the way)

anywaze..today...i didnt really do that much, but it feels like a long day...

k in the morning, i SWEAR amanda called me..but i guess she didnt..ok who called me at 10:19am today!?
i woke up at like 12 somethin...went out to lunch with my parents and my aunt.. then had to buy some groceries at chinese grocerie mawket wiff mommy. some stuff for the bbq and such.. drove home... um..cleaned up my room...lol i just moved most of my stuff into my brother;s empty room. lol.. but MY room is clean! watched some tv.. fresh prince and friends.. then got ready for ccsa banquet.. lol i met up with eyen at my place, so he could tie a tie for me, cuz my dad wasnt home..then we headded off to banquet..mad ppl there.. like soo many asian ppl all dressed up..the palce was alright..decent.. worship team was good. food wasnt THAT bad as everybody said..i had everybody's left overs....mmmm..return of the "human waste basket" lol. that dessert was soo good, i finished it in like 3 sec. then there were like awards..but BASIC didnt get anything..just for MAP was mike.

oh..it was funny how for the Sr. League championship...the team that won is called "The Fellowship" but only Marty, went up to receive the award..the even funnier part was that marty's not even from that church..but he was on the team.. hahahaa. and he got the trophy..and later BASIC was taking group pictures with the trophy in it, so it seemed like we won!! hahahaha

but overall i thot it was pretty boring..not that great..

song at the moment...
All in All - Lifehouse

Standing on top of the edge it feels like it's going down
Everything stays in my mind feeling in a daze on the ground
Feels like it's gonna give life's to hard to live anymore
I think I've had enough things too tough
I'm out the door

All in all it's just another day now
You're falling down
What you gonna do
Standing on top of the world tonight
No ones looking back at you

Stand tall
It's going on
It's going on
It's gonna be just fine
You're holding on
Holding on today

ok...anywaze..what's my problem? cant get it outta my head.. keep thinkin bout it..and tori's right...is it even that good? is it really worth all of that and stuff? the thing is..it ISNT but it wont leave... it's always there, but then it keeps hurting me..and it's not even anything big..see im making a big deal out of nothing again.. like...there's no interest in me at all to the point where there's like...no voluntary conversation.. i guess u can say i expect too much..but still..i mean no conversation..nothing. like i dont exist?. ok..the part i dont understand..is why is it always changing..it's never consistent. mixed msgs ALL the time. sometimes there's talk. sometimes there isnt. sometimes there's a nice msg saying all this nice stuff, and it seems like it's really good..and sometimes there's like silence.. i dont get it. and then i keep going back to it. even when it doesnt even want me. wat's my problem?! LET IT GO ALREADY!! GEEZ. why cant i? there's soo many reasons for me to drop it. what happened to your dream amanda? stop stop stop. omgoodness.. just get out (leave)..right now.. "leave" - jojo that was from a song by the way.. yep..ok somebody plz wake me up when september ends.

i cant believe this sumemr is ending already..so much has happened...but then it also feels like soo long ago when summer started.. aw man...the millions of times chillin, hangin out, basketball, BASIC, bridletowne, mid week activities wit kyrios, kyrios, amazing race, midseason mixer, baptism, smt camping, grand finale, playoffs, banquet...aw man.. school sux and it didnt even start yet.